Fight
by AlphabeatSoupp
Summary: Two-Shot- When Jeff is struggling over writing the "Describe a personal struggle" prompt for college applications, he breaks and tells Nick he wished he was strong enough to tell him six months ago. (warnings: talk of/implications of self-injury, suicide, rape)


So here it is. I know I should be working on You and I, but I did this instead.

The warnings in the description hold true (Self injury, rape, suicide)

Also please note that:

1. I did not read this after I wrote it.

2. It's un-beta'd

3. This fic is intended purely for self-therapetic purposes. Basically I prompted this off of me.

4. The song used in the end is "The Fight" by Jared Campbell. I seriously recommend looking into him.

5. UNO stands for University of Northwestern Ohio, for no real reason at all.

So...enjoy.

-Katherine

* * *

Nick hummed to himself as he walked up Dalton's grand staircase on his way to Jeff's dorm to bring him a coffee. Truth be told, he was worried about his boyfriend. He seemed more stressed than most seniors when it came to college applications, even though writing came naturally to Jeff. Nick knew Jeff didn't have to best grades, so his only thought is Jeff is trying to compensate with a killer essay.

The brunette turned left when he got to the landing on the fifth floor and walked straight into the second door on the right without knocking.

"Hey Jeffers-" Nick stopped when he saw the sight of his boyfriend.

The screen of his MacBook was dimly lit, Nick noticed there was only a line or two typed. But on the floor in front of the desk was his boyfriend with his knees hugged to his chest, shaking with tears streaming hard and fast down his face.

Nick set the coffee on the dresser and ran over to Jeff. "JJ...What's wrong?"

Jeff said nothing, only pulling his knees in tighter. Nick was unsure how to respond, so he just sat down across from Jeff and went to put his arm around. He immediately realized it was a mistake when Jeff flinched away violently and started crying harder.

Nick was unsure how to react, so he just leaned his cheek against Jeff's knee. He started whispering the consoling phrases he was far too used to. _"Shh...Jeff. I love you. You're perfect. You're strong. You're courageous. I have faith in you."_

As Nick repeated this, he had to blink back his own tears at the memories of sophomore year, when Jeff was falling apart. He tried to shake the memories of the hours he spent in the bathroom, pressing washcloths and gauze against Jeff's wrist. Nick bit into his cheek at the memory of walking in on Jeff, his beautiful Jeff, in the midst of downing an entire bottle of pills.

His eyes drifted towards the laptop. He read the three lines.

_Prompt: Describe a personal struggle._

_My name is Jeffrey Sterling and I'm a useless, broken, used, piece of shit and I wish I died two years ago._

Nick felt his heart sink deep into his chest. He turned his head and pressed a kiss onto Jeff's knee. "Baby, I love you so, so much," he whispered, fighting the shaking in his voice.

Ten, twenty, perhaps sixty minutes passed with the pair of boys exactly like that. Jeff's crying stopped and his breath evened out. Several minutes of silence passed before Jeff broken the silence. "I'm sorry. Nick, I'm so sorry. Please...I just- I'm so sorry." He continued rambling apologies, ignoring Nick's please to stop.

Nick placed his hand on Jeff's face. "Baby, look at me."

Jeff took a deep breath before slowly raising his eyes to meet Nick's. "Jeff, don't apologize. You have nothing to be sorry for. Just please, remember that I love you."

"No...Nick, I do. I have a lot to be sorry for," Jeff confessed. Nick's eyebrows furrowed together in confusion, and Jeff continued. "I've been lying. To you. I've been keeping a secret for six months. One that you deserve to know."

Nick turned his body so he was parallel to Jeff. "And you know what? I trust that you have a reason for doing so."

"Being weak isn't a reason," Jeff muttered, hardly audible.

"Jeff, did you r-"

"No, I haven't hurt myself," Jeff interrupted.

Nick released a sigh of relief and Jeff continued, "But I need to tell you this. So just don't say anything until I'm done so I don't back down."

Nick nodded as he grabbed his boyfriend's hand. "Remember over Spring Break last year in Lima with my theatre friends from UNO?" Jeff didn't bother waiting for a response before carrying on. "So...it was a party, so naturally, I got drunk."

Nick was taken aback-Jeff was usually such a worry-wart about drinking and drugs. "I mean, I knew every person there, so I thought I could trust them and they'd keep me from doing something stupid." Nick's eyebrows briefly shot up at the timely answer he asked in his head.

"The night was almost over. Tyler and I were playing the final round of the pong tournament against Bobby and Derek's girlfriend.

"At that point, I was really unsure of what was happening. Everything was blurred together, but it kinda felt nice, to you know...just forget," Jeff sighed and recomposed himself. "After Tyler and I won, I went back to the kitchen and just picked up some drink from the counter. When I was downing it, Robert came up behind me and asked if I would come with him to a room. I just kinda nodded and followed, basically walking against the wall to keep myself upright. I remember thinking, 'What does he want to talk to me about that we couldn't do out in the living room?'"

Nick felt his world falling. He said a silent prayer to anything that existed, hoping that Jeff's confession was not headed where he thought it would.

"He shut the door and locked it. The lights were kept off. When Robert was taking my shirt off, when he started kissing me, I remember thinking, 'Why couldn't we have just made out in front of everybody?'"

Jeff shut his eyes and leaned his forehead against their hands. "Only when it started to hurt did I realize, 'Oh. I just lost my virginity.'" Jeff's voice dropped to nearly a whisper. "The tears started when I realized I was losing my virginity to someone other than you."

Nick couldn't keep quiet any longer. "God, Jeff. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. I love you. I love so fucking much..." The tears were flowing freely down Nick's face.

Jeff's tears started again. "Please don't leave me. Not yet." His voice wasn't even a whisper.

Nick put his arms around Jeff. "I love you too much to ever leave you. And especially not for something like this."

"But Nick," Jeff looked to him, "I...I cheated on you."

The voice left Nick's throat much louder than he intended it to. "No!" He recomposed himself. "Love...that's not cheating. That's rape."

Jeff started crying harder when the word leave Nick's mouth. "No-no. I-Nick I was stupid. I was drunk. I'm just so sorry."

"Jeff, do you understand that you are absolutely not at fault? This is Robert's fault. He took advantage of you. It was absolutely not consensual on your part. He-"

"I followed him into the room didn't I? That seems like consent to me!" Jeff practically shouted, more at himself than Nick.

Nick sighed and pulled his boyfriend in closer. "It wasn't your fault. I know it wasn't, and I'll never believe otherwise."

Jeff opened his mouth a few times before admitting, "I'm just scared I'm too broken to ever get a chance to be whole."

"Oh, baby," Nick pressed a kiss into Jeff's hair. "You're a fighter. I have no doubts."

Jeff's tongue licked his lips. "After four years of hating myself, you finally got me to Happy. And then this ruined it all."

"Jeff, I'll never stop fighting with you if that means I get to see you smile."

Half a smile pulled across Jeff's lips.

* * *

Two weeks later, Jeff sent his application to the University of Southern California, accompanied by an essay on the fight to find happiness.

Three months later, Jeff received a letter of acceptance from USC.

In these months of regaining his strength, Nick and Jeff became even closer. Nick's journey to make Jeff love himself brought more things to his eyes that made him fall more and more in love with Jeff. As Jeff slowly but surely learned to love himself, he also learned how to love his Nick even more.

Not everyday was easy. Somedays, it was as though Jeff was a walking shell. Somedays, Jeff was so consumed with anger at himself. And somedays, like today, Nick could hear soft strumming and Jeff's sweet voice leaking out of his dorm room.

_Yeah, Yeah-eah_

_I've been knocked down_

_A time or two_

_Been on my back, yeah_

_And I push on through, yeah_

_And all my dreams_

_All seemed out of reach_

_Oh, and all my hopes of being someone great_

_Just became the biggest fight inside of me_

Nick opened the door, cautious to not make any noise.

_But oh, oh, this is a life worth fighting for_

_No, oh, they keep knocking me down,_

_But I keep coming back for more_

_Cause I ain't ever giving up on you_

_And there ain't nothing, baby I won't do_

_No, yeah I got the Fight in me,_

_Baby, is the Fight in you?_

Nick couldn't help but smile the lyrics. It gave him a sense of pride, knowing his boyfriend is willing to fight for life.

The part of the lyrics that caught him was at the end. Every night since Jeff told his story, Nick would come to Jeff's room, kiss his forehead and whisper, "Goodnight, my fighter. Keep fighting."

_I've seem some things,_

_I could never imagine,_

_Oh, I never thought that in my whole life_

_I'd be put in this position_

_From the ground, yeah,_

_I'd start it over_

_Oh, I had to build back my whole life,_

_With this weight upon my shoulders._

_But oh, oh, this is a life worth fighting for_

_No, oh, they keep knocking me down,_

_But I keep coming back for more_

_Cause I ain't ever giving up on you_

_And there ain't nothing, baby I won't do_

_No, yeah I got the Fight in me,_

_Baby, is the Fight in you?_

Jeff turned his head to when he heard Nick's breathing. He kept playing, but just smiled at his boyfriend. Nick took a breath in and joined in.

_Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,_

_No, it won't take a fall to keep me off my feet_

_You know I'm gonna fight_

_with everything's that's in me_

_Cause I am a fighter_

_Oh yeah, yeah, yeah..._

Their voices both grew strong when they sang together. That's how Nick and Jeff worked. They made each other stronger.

_But oh, oh, this is a life worth fighting for_

_No, oh, they keep knocking me down,_

_But I keep coming back for more_

_Cause I ain't ever giving up on you_

_And there ain't nothing, baby I won't do_

_No, yeah I got the Fight in me,_

_Baby, is the Fight in you?_

_Is the Fight in you? Yeah..._

_Is the Fight in you?_

A few beats of silence passed before Nick asked, "Did you write that song yourself?"

Jeff set his guitar against his desk and pulled his legs up on the chair. "Yeah. A couple of weeks ago..."

Nick smiled, "I really like it; it's really good."

Jeff's cheek's tinted pink. "Thank you." He licked his lips then continued without prompting, "I was thinking the other day...what would I do if I didn't have you?" He brought his eyes up to Nick, then continued again without a response, "Which lead me to realize that there's so many people that don't have someone like you to look after them.

"I think, one day, sooner rather than later, I wanna put myself out there to help people find the Fight. I could never imagine what it would be like to go through this alone." Jeff got off his chair and walked over to the bed and sat down next to Nick.

"Without you, I really don't know where I'd be. I...I've always kinda thought that I would be spending the rest of my life feeling completely useless and broken.

"Nick, I love you so much. I don't think I'll ever be able to thank you for what you've done for me, for teaching me why, and how, to fight."

The brunette chuckled and turned towards Jeff. He leaned in to press against his boyfriend's, cherishing those perfect lips against his own. "Jeff, baby, your smile is more than enough. I love you. I love you so much."

* * *

So that's that. I may revisit it later and fill in those three months after I get You and I going, but for now, I need to go work on college entrance essays.

_But most importantly, if you're currently dealing with anything I talked about in here, or anything else, PLEASE come and PM or if you wish, send me a message on tumblr- (turkishhipster) _

_You are not alone. I'm here for you. I want to help. And I love you, no matter what._


End file.
